Finding Purpose
by forever-awestruck
Summary: Zoe wasn't a hunter, but she came from a family of hunters. When she is left alone after a hunt that went terribly wrong, she makes her way to Bobby's. She meets the Winchester boys and slowly discovers that her purpose and destiny is somehow linked to Dean. Rated M for later chapters. *Some sexual content.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Supernatural, and the characters on the show, do not belong to me. sigh**

**A/N: I am a newbie to the world of fanfiction, and this story is my first fanfic. This is just the first chapter of what I hope will be many. Thanks in advance for reading!**

She couldn't take any more pain. Her chest felt like it was being ripped apart, and her head was throbbing from crying. On her knees in the middle of the hotel room, she turned her head toward heaven and begged for God to just take her. She wouldn't take her own life because she was afraid that she would end up in hell.

She was alone. Completely alone. Her family was gone; her father and brothers. The hunter that was helping her family barely made it out alive and came to tell her they were gone. She didn't even get to say goodbye. At that moment, she wished she had helped them hunt.

If she had just embraced the life, the life of a hunter, and had been with them then she wouldn't be alone right now. She would be dead with them.

She fell over on the floor, and shook as the tears racked her body. Finally, she slept when she was exhausted from her grief.

That is when he came to her. At least she felt like it was a he. She didn't see him, but she felt his warmth, his light. She felt it wrap around her, and she wondered if God had answered her prayer to take her because the peace she felt engulfed in the light had to mean she was in heaven. Then a voice spoke to her...no, it wasn't really a voice, but more like a thought. The thought was that she had to do what her father had always told her to do if anything ever happened to them during a hunt and she was left alone.

The peaceful warmth radiated toward her that she had a purpose.

When she woke up, she knew what she had to do. She had to go see Bobby Singer.

She was walking now, after a couple of days riding on a bus. She was a couple of miles from Bobby Singer's place. She still had moments when grief would overtake her, but she would think about the peace she felt in that weird dream and would feel better.

She knew her father trusted Bobby, and had called on him several times for help. She had even stayed with Bobby several times as a child and teenager. He was a little rough around the edges, but she knew he was a really good man. The kind that would help anyone, which is why she was seriously hoping he would know something about her dream and what it all meant.

Dean couldn't believe that an actual angel gripped him and raised him up from hell. He definitely didn't like being told by said angel that he could throw him back in hell. He tried desperately not to think about his time in hell. He just wanted to bury it and never talk about it. Ever. He denied remembering anything to Sam, because he just couldn't talk about it. He couldn't admit...the truth. He was worthless and so undeserving, and he sure as hell didn't understand why he would important enough to be pulled out of the pit.

He poured another drink and downed it, then poured another. Tears stung the back of his eyes as his mind kept flashing images of the torture in hell. Damn it, he would not cry like a freaking chick. He looked around Bobby's kitchen and wished to God there was something he could punch. He had to get outside; he had to get out of this house before he suffocated from the memories and from the painful emptiness in his gut.

He grabbed the bottle he was drinking from and stalked to the door to go outside. He flung the door wide open and was stunned when he was face to face with a young woman staring back at him. Dean had the vague thought that the shock he saw on her face mirrored his own.

The girl looked around nervously and said, "Um, hi. I was...is Bobby here?"

"He should be back soon. He went to town. To get supplies." Dean replied.

"Do you mind if I sit out here and wait?" She looked disappointed and tired. "I walked from town."

Dean nodded and asked her if she wanted a drink. When she said that she was fine, Dean walked back inside and grabbed a soda from the fridge and brought it out to her anyway. She took it from him saying thanks. "Well, Bobby doesn't usually have soda so you're in luck." Dean sat down on the porch and introduced himself. At least she was a distraction to the crawling crazies he was experiencing before he opened the door to find her standing in the porch.

"I'm Zoe," she said locking her eyes with his.

Zoe. Dean liked the name. She was pretty, but not in the hot cheerleader or swimsuit model way. Her hair was black, shiny, and pulled back. A grey jacket with a hood covered what looked like a plain black t-shirt. She had on plain well-worn jeans and denim blue converse. The only bag she had with her was a huge camouflage backpack that she sat down beside her.

Dean searched for something to say, but couldn't think of anything. He definitely wasn't about to talk about the damn weather. "Nice day for a walk." _What in the holy hell? Did he just say that after deciding not to freaking talk about the damn weather?_ Zoe smiled at him and agreed.

Dean heard the crunch of tires on gravel as Bobby's truck came into view. Dean stood as Bobby parked and opened the door to get out. Dean was curious about why Zoe would be at Bobby's. His curiosity deepened when Bobby noticed the girl on the porch and Bobby said, "Zoe Leigh Green, it is about time you came to see me! Hell, girl, I've tried to find you." Bobby walked over to Zoe and gave her a big hug. "I heard about your family, and I'm so sorry." He looked at Dean and Sam, who was now out of the truck, and said, "You boys unload the supplies while I talk to Zoe."

Dean and Sam unloaded the supplies, while Bobby and Zoe sat on the couch and talked. Dean and Sam couldn't hear what was said, and Sam asked Dean in a low voice, "Who is she?" They had both sat at the kitchen table after unloading the supplies.

"Zoe," Dean whispered.

"I gathered that much from when Bobby called her Zoe. I just wondered _who_ she was," Sam whispered back, sounding and looking annoyed.

Dean rolled his eyes and replied through gritted teeth, "Dude, you know as much as I do."

Dean watched as Zoe walked through the living room as Bobby walked into the kitchen. Bobby sat at the table and poured himself a drink. Dean and Sam were both watching him as they waited for Bobby to fill them on just who Zoe was and why she was at Bobby's.

"That poor girl...just sad. Her father, Jake, and her two brothers were hunters. They were killed when they attacked a nest of vamps. There was another hunter helping and he barely made it out alive. He made sure Zoe knew what happened and then he just left her in that stinking hotel room alone to deal with it." He downed his drink and poured another. "Damn insensitive hunters!"

Dean was processing what Bobby had said, and asked, "So she's a hunter?" She sure as hell didn't look like a hunter.

"Nope. Her parents had the two boys and Zoe. She knows enough to defend herself, but she never wanted to hunt. Her daddy was just fine with that and Zoe took care of them. Hell, there were a few times that her daddy would bring her here for a few days when they were on a big hunt and he didn't want her to be alone."

Dean's eyebrow shot up, "You were her babysitter?"

"What? Did you two idjits think you were the only kids I ever took care of?"

"Never really thought about it," Sam said softly. "How is she?"

"Well she is ok. I think. I can't imagine what she went through when she heard the news, and I just hate that she went through it alone." Bobby shook his head. "Look, I don't want to be sitting here talking about her when she comes back. Maybe we can let her in on our research and help her get her mind off of, you know." Sam agreed. He knew what it was like to lose someone you love. Focusing on something else definitely helped him.

Bobby and Sam got up from the table and walked toward the desk to continue their research on angels. Dean sat alone at the table for a few minutes before joining them.

Dean grabbed the bottle and poured himself a drink. He focused on the amber liquid in the glass. He knew what it was like to deal with crap alone. He downed his drink and set the glass down on the table. Being alone was easier because there were no witnesses to the pain-or the guilt. He didn't want anyone seeing his pain, or the guilt he was shamefully carrying. Sometimes the guilt was so overpowering that it felt like he was drowning in it. Dean poured himself another drink, then joined Sam and Bobby.

Zoe was grateful for the time alone in the shower. She felt raw after explaining everything to Bobby. She had miraculously held it together long enough to tell him the details of what happened to her family; however, she lost it the second she was alone in the bathroom. The pain was so great that her chest ached and made it difficult to breathe. She tried desperately to focus on her breathing as the water streamed over her face as it mixed with the tears that flowed down her cheeks.

She thought about the peaceful warmth that had engulfed her that night in her dream, and she willed herself to concentrate on that feeling. She felt her breathing calm down and the pain in her chest receded. Thinking about the peaceful warmth and light from her dream kept her from being overwhelmed by grief, and the water from the shower flowed over her as she imagined the water washing all her pain away.

Zoe finished her shower, dried off, and dressed as she thought about the three men downstairs. She knew Bobby, of course, but she didn't know the other two. She thought about the one she met before Bobby got home. Dean. She whispered the name to herself and decided she liked the way it sounded. It was a strong name, and somehow she knew just from the few moments she was around Dean that the strong name definitely suited him. She was just about to knock on the door when he opened the door. He was definitely shocked to see her standing on the other side of the door, but she also noticed the pain in his face before the shock overtook it. She wondered if she would ever find out about the pain that she saw in those green eyes.

Zoe took a deep breath, and she walked out of the bathroom. She walked toward the room where the three men were, and she stopped at the doorway. She watched them silently for a few moments from the doorway, but it didn't take long for Dean to notice her standing there. He cleared his throat and the other two men looked toward her. Zoe said, "Thanks, Bobby for letting me use your shower. Um, I hope I am not interrupting anything…" Her voice trailed off at the end of her sentence because she really did feel like she was intruding until Bobby reassured her that she wasn't interrupting anything. In fact, she could help them if she wanted. Zoe felt a rush of relief that they had invited her in, because she really didn't want to be alone with her thoughts at the moment.

What Zoe didn't realize was that when she took that first step into the room and silently accepted Bobby's offer to help, she was taking her first step toward her purpose, and her destiny. The very one that the peaceful warm light from her dream was guiding her toward.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading the first chapter. I will post another chapter soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Zoe spent the afternoon observing and listening to the three men, and it felt so familiar. Watching them was like being transported to the strategy sessions her father and brothers used to have. Bobby Singer was definitely the patriarch figure, and she could tell the two Winchester's respected him as such.

They all took turns telling her about the Winchester's search for their dad, the yellow-eyed demon that killed their mother, the plan the yellowed-eyed demon had for Sam and other children like him, camp crazy where Sam was killed, Dean selling his soul for Sam's life, and finally how Dean was apparently pulled from hell by an angel named Castiel because God commanded it. Zoe sat through the whole story shocked, because her family just hunted the things that went bump in the night.

Zoe realized that her gaze kept drifting over Dean. Everything she heard broke her heart, but knowing that Dean sold his soul and went to hell for Sam especially pulled at her heart. She understood the grief that he felt at losing Sam. He went to freaking hell for his brother, and she was afraid to kill herself after her family died because she was terrified she would be sent to hell. Tears sprang to her eyes, but she refused to give in to them. She turned to Bobby and asked him about their plans for dinner. She could at least cook dinner. Anything to distract her from the thoughts invading her mind.

He protested at first saying she didn't need to cook for them but caved when he could tell she was determined. Bobby showed her where everything was located in the kitchen. Once Zoe had a plan, she told Bobby she would be fine alone and that she would yell if she needed anything. She took out her mp3 player from her bag, and music flooded her ears as she grabbed the ground beef from the fridge and mixed up a meatloaf. Once it was in the oven, she peeled potatoes for mashed potatoes. She found a couple of cans of English peas and heated those on the stove. She hoped they liked the meal. It was one of her families favorites.

She went to tell the guys that dinner was ready. She watched as they made their plates and was relieved when they approved of the meal. She made her plate and joined them at the table across from Dean. He ate like he was starving. Sam leaned over to her and whispered teasingly, "He always eats like he is starving. You get used to it."

Dean told Sam to shut up around a mouthful of food. Sam just chuckled and kept eating. Bobby chimed in saying, "You will eventually get used to these two chuckleheads. They grow on ya."

Zoe somehow knew he was right. Bobby already held a special place in her heart, especially now that he welcomed her into his home for however long she needed. As for Sam and Dean, she was intrigued by their dynamic relationship. She could tell they were as different as night and day, but she could see the love between them. There was definitely a strong bond between the two of them, and she felt sadness tug at her heart as her brother's faces flooded her mind. She got up from the table as tears flooded her vision. She took a deep breath, pushed back the tears, and began to clean the kitchen.

Her tears did not go unnoticed by the three men sitting at the table. They finished the meal and offered to help her clean up the kitchen, but she said she could handle it. They could sense she really wanted to be alone so they each grabbed a drink and went to the living room. She joined them once she had the kitchen clean, and spent the rest of the evening just enjoying their conversations.

Zoe felt herself drifting off to sleep. She tried to keep her eyes open and gave up. Dean and Sam were talking, and Zoe decided she loved Dean's voice as she sighed in contentment and let sleep overtake her.

Dean heard Zoe sigh and knew she had finally given up the fight to stay awake. Bobby had went to bed a couple of hours ago, leaving the three of them alone. Dean watched as Sam took a blanket and covered Zoe before walking to the fridge for a beer. Dean listened as Sam walked outside, and he started to get up and follow but stopped.

Zoe looked so peaceful as she slept. He took the opportunity to really look at her. He could feel her watching him today and it had kind of unnerved him a little. Dean was used to women looking at him because he knew he was attractive, but this was different. It was as if she wasn't just looking at him, but _seeing_ him. It was like she could see past the surface to the shit that Dean desperately kept buried.

He watched her sleep for a moment as he allowed his eyes to take in the smoothness of her skin. Her eye lashes were black like her hair and long. He knew that under those lids were eyes that were a crystal clear blue that reminded him of the Caribbean ocean water he had seen in magazine ads. He watched those eyes tear up several times today even though she tried to hide them and, it was uncomfortable to see her struggle with the tears and her emotions.

Dean realized he had probably been staring at her for longer than he should. He stood up and went to join Sam before he came back in and caught Dean staring at a sleeping Zoe.

The next morning Zoe watched as Dean and Sam left to go work a case. Bobby said they don't stay in one place for too long, but that they tend to call multiple times a day when working a case. He also assured her that they would be back soon. Zoe ignored the sadness she felt as she watched the black Impala leave.

She settled into a routine at Bobby's over the next few days. She helped him with research, cooked, and cleaned what she could. Bobby had crap stuffed everywhere, but he apparently knew where everything was so she didn't dare mess with anything for fear that she would screw up his system. It was a system she gave up trying to figure out.

After doing some light cleaning around the house, she decided to take a walk. She grabbed her mp3 player and headed out the door. The Pixies were playing as she walked through all the cars and trucks at Bobby's. Her mind drifted to her dream last night and she felt herself blushing. She wasn't sure why she dreamed what she did or why she dreamed it about _him_. She sat down behind one of the old cars and thought about the dream.

_She was sitting on the couch in Bobby's house listening to her music when she felt lips press against hers. She opens her eyes and saw the most beautiful green eyes she had ever seen staring back at her. Her eyes flutter closed as Dean traced her lips with his tongue and her mouth opened to allow the kiss to deepen. Dean moaned when her mouth opened for him and he reached a hand up to her cheek as he dipped his tongue inside her mouth. He kissed her for what seemed like forever before he let her mouth go and kissed her neck. They were sweet little butterfly kisses and his hand moved from her cheek down her arm. His hand moved to cup her breast. She moaned as he rubbed his thumb over her nipple and he took her mouth again in a desperate kiss. Her hands reached up and she tentatively touched his chest through his shirt. Her fingers grazed over his nipples and she heard him moan and felt it deep in his chest. She grabbed his shirt pulling him closer to her..._

Zoe thought about how she woke up from the dream clutching her blanket to her chest tightly. She had looked around to make sure she was alone because the dream felt so _real_. Just thinking about the dream now made desire ripple through her and the need for release would eventually cause her to take matters into her own hands, but for now she allowed the desire to build. She thought about Dean's beautiful green eyes and his deep voice. She was so caught up in thinking about her dream that she didn't hear the roar of the Impala as it made its way down the drive way.

**A/N: Since this is my first fanfic, I am a little nervous asking for reviews but I welcome any feedback. Thanks for reading my story, and I will post another chapter in a couple of days if not sooner because I can totally see how addictive writing fanfiction can be. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Regrettably, I do not own Supernatural (the show or the characters featured on the show).**

**A/N: This is my first attempt at writing a Fanfic. Supernatural is such a perfect show, and I love the dynamic relationships between the characters on the show. I wasn't sure which genre to assign to my story, but I will say that I love stories that include all the above so to speak. I know where I want my story to eventually lead, and where it will end-eventually. Thanks for reading my story and welcome any feedback. **

Dean was happy to be back at Bobby's. He needed time away from Sam. He walked outside after filling Bobby in on the rugaru fiasco. Bobby said Zoe was out here somewhere and wanted Dean to check on her because she had been outside for a while. He walked around about five minutes when he noticed her. She was sitting on the ground leaned back against a car with her legs stretched out with her ankles crossed. She was listening to her mp3 player with her eyes closed. Dean wondered what kind of music she listened to and figured it was probably the same crap Sam listened to on his iPod. No one respected the classics anymore.

Dean didn't want to startle her so he stood there for a minute hoping she would open her eyes and see him. It also gave him a minute to watch her. He leaned against a car and crossed his arms across his chest while he just watched her. She opened her eyes and Dean chuckled as she yanked her earphones out of ears and said, "Oh my...I didn't know you were back!"

"We pulled in about 30 minutes ago," Dean said.

"Oh. Well...good. Glad you're back. I wish I had known or I would have planned something special for dinner tonight. Well, not special like special special but...something...different. Crap. You know what I mean." Zoe was talking with her hands as she walked toward him.

Dean was amused that Zoe seemed to be nervous. It was kind of cute. "I am sure I will eat like a starving man regardless of what is on the menu," Dean said with a grin and a wink.

Dean sat down on the hood of the car he was leaning against and asked her how she was surviving life with Bobby. Zoe laughed, "It has been…interesting. I want to clean but he has stuff everywhere. He even knows where all his stuff is, and I can't figure out his system."

Dean agreed, "Yeah. Might as well give up trying." Dean hopped down off the car and started walking toward the Impala. He paused long enough to see if she was following. "So have you ever heard of a rugaru?"

"Rugaru?"

"Sounds made up, doesn't it?" Dean filled her in on the rugaru case. She listened to ever word intently like she really wanted to hear every detail.

Zoe said, "How sad. It doesn't seem fair. The poor guy was doomed since birth, wasn't he? Too bad he couldn't fight it."

"Sam really wanted the guy to fight it, but from what I understand it is like fighting an addiction," Dean said. "An impossible addiction to overcome."

After a few more minutes of talking, Zoe told Dean she was going to start dinner and would let him know when it is ready. Dean watched her as she walked toward the house. He really liked talking to her, and she wasn't hard on the eyes either. He felt the familiar stirring in his pants and did his best to ignore it. He admitted to himself that she definitely turned him on, but he knew he would never act on it.

Zoe wasn't someone he could just fuck and forget. It was one thing to pick up a hot chick in a bar and have mind blowing sex that might be worthy of thinking about later when he had to jerk off. Zoe was different, but he really wasn't going to analyze why.

Dean didn't want anyone too close to him anyway. Sammy knew him better than anyone. Bobby was a close second since he was the closest thing he had to a father.

Dean had feelings but he would bottle them up and put them away-hopefully, forever. Out of sight, out of mind kind of mentality. If he didn't think about crap then the crap would stay buried safe from those around him.

The thought of anyone knowing what happened in hell terrified him. He knew what a worthless, undeserving bastard he was, and the images from hell that flashed in his mind daily served as a constant reminder of just how worthless he really was. Hell, he couldn't even look in a mirror without guilt being reflected mockingly back at him. He didn't want to see the disappointment and shame in the faces of those he counted on, and loved, the most. It would be unbearable.

Dean was a hunter and needed to focus on Sammy. He felt like he had failed Sammy. When he sold his soul for Sammy's life, he knew what he was doing. Sammy's life was more important than his own life. He just didn't realize how much Sammy depended on him. When Castiel had told him that he needed to stop Sammy or they would, he knew that whatever Sammy was doing wasn't good. When Dean saw Sammy using his ESP crap, he barely held it together. Then to find out that he was hiding Ruby too...

Damn, it hurt that Sammy was keeping secrets from him. When Sammy told him that he had demon blood in him that he could never scrub clean, Dean had understood how desperate Sam had been to keep his secret from him. He understood that desperation very well. Dean was desperate to hide his own evil secrets deep in the darkest corners of his soul. So, yeah, he understood.

Dean was sitting in the open garage when he heard the sound of someone walking toward him. He turned and saw Zoe coming toward him carrying two beers. She extended one to him and sat down across from him opening the other beer for herself.

"Dinner is almost ready," Zoe said to him as she lifted her beer to her lips.

Dean hadn't realized he had been outside that long. He nodded, then said, "Thanks for the beer. I needed it."

"Everything OK?" Zoe had this quizzical look on her face.

Dean thought about her question and knew most definitely that everything was not OK. "Yep. All good."

Zoe seemed satisfied with that answer and got to her feet as she said, "Well, I just wanted to let you know dinner was almost ready. See you in a bit?" Dean assured her he would be right behind her, then watched as Zoe walked away from him for the second time that day leaving Dean wishing things were different.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I am trying to figure out the formatting, so I apologize if the scenes aren't properly seperated. :)**

**Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down. –just a random friendship quote**

Zoe knew something wasn't right between the brothers. There was a tension present that wasn't there before. Sam had stayed on his computer most of the afternoon and when she tried to talk to him he didn't have much to say. She glanced over at Bobby and he just shrugged. He didn't have a clue either.

She thought about earlier when she opened her eyes and saw Dean in the flesh when she had just been sitting there fantasizing about him. She even made a fool out of herself stuttering like a damn idiot about dinner. Talk about a freaking face palm moment!

Dean stayed outside all afternoon, so she took a beer out to him in an effort to check on him. She really didn't know what to say or ask. Dean intimidated her. Not just because he was super hot and she was having porno dreams about him. He just wasn't approachable and seemed like he was always wound tight like a spring. She wondered if that tightly wound control was still evident during sex. _Seriously, Zoe. Get your mind out of the gutter_.

After dinner, everyone pretty much settled down to watch a movie. Bobby turned in for the night. She brought out her sleeping pad that she bought the other day while she was in town. She bought it so she could stretch out on the floor at night. She tried to ignore the brother's tension as she concentrated on her breathing and prayed that she wouldn't have a dream about Dean since he planned to sleep on the other side of the room on the floor. She didn't think she talked in her sleep. That would be awkward. Eventually, Zoe drifted off to sleep...

_She was standing outside Bobby's house watching Dean as he worked on the Impala. She wanted to talk to him but she didn't know what to say. She felt the peaceful warmth and looked around trying to locate where it was coming from, but a steady gravelly voice spoke to her saying that she wouldn't be able to see him. She would only be able to sense his presence and hear him when he spoke to her. The voice said, "Don't be afraid of Dean." She started to protest that she wasn't afraid when the voice said, "Zoe, you have to gain his trust. Sometimes the best way to gain trust from someone is to give trust first. It will be difficult, but have faith." _

Zoe awoke with a start and realized it was all a dream. Wasn't it? Who in the hell was this voice that talked to her? She wanted to trust the voice since she was positive it was coming from the same peaceful warmth she felt in her dream when she was at her lowest.

She looked over at Dean. He was sleeping but she could tell it was troubled sleep. Not at all restful. The voice said to give him trust to earn his trust. _Uh, ok._ How in the heck does she do that?

She was worried about her dream voice and the direction it was wanting her to go in with Dean. She had thought it wanted her to come to Bobby's so he could help her figure out her purpose. Now it wants her to give her trust to Dean so _he_ will _trust_ her. What the hell?

Zoe turned her head toward Dean as her eyes searched his sleeping figure. She knew from his breathing he was sleeping and even in sleep he didn't seem to relax.

Why would the dream voice want her to gain Dean's trust? It doesn't make sense. _Oh Dear God._ Her heart dropped as a thought creeped just at the edges of her mind. No. Not even going to entertain that thought. Not at all. That was just the lust trying to read more into the situation.

Dean could not be the reason she was here, could he? She stared up at the ceiling and tried to calm her pounding heart. She focused on what the voice said. It told her to gain Dean's trust. By giving him her trust. Without being afraid.

_Yeah, right._

* * *

Zoe woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. She stretched and sighed...her eyes snapped open as she remembered her dream. She groaned before she could stop herself, and she heard a familiar deep voice speak. "You OK? Maybe you should have slept on the couch?" Dean asked with concern apparent in his voice. He argued with her last night about the whole couch thing. She refused to take the couch because she was girl. Zoe turned toward Dean and smiled, "I am fine, Dean. Promise. I, uh, groaned because...well because I smelled bacon and coffee. You know, time to get up and all that."

Dean was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in his hands. He watched her as she got up and folded and put away her bedding. She had on a plain white tee with her peace sign pajama bottoms. She rolled her eyes and silently vowed to get different pajama bottoms the next time she went to town. She was never self-conscious about what she wore, but with Dean Winchester watching her she was suddenly aware of how she looked. _Don't be afraid of Dean. Well, easy for you to say mr. dream voice. It ain't fear that I am freaking feeling right now._

Dean watched her as she cleaned up her bed and put everything away. Peace signs suited her, and he figured that she was unaware of just how hot she was as she walked around in them_._ _What in the hell is wrong with you, Dean Winchester?_ He just decided yesterday that she wasn't someone he could just fuck and forget. _Doesn't mean you can't appreciate her sweet innocent hotness. _Dean suppressed a groan. The fact that she didn't even try to be sexy was what made her so damned appealing. The fact that he couldn't, that he wouldn't, act on the desire causing him to grab a damn pillow and place it over his lap just made him harder.

* * *

Dean didn't waste time heading outside. Zoe was trying not to pace and was giving herself a pep talk. She could do this. _I can do this. _Even though the dream was last night, did that mean she had to start it today? _Quit being a chicken and just do it. What are you afraid of, Zoe? _ She walked out the door and headed toward Dean with determination.

Dean looked up from where he was working and saw Zoe walking toward him. He focused on his baby. He didn't have a damn pillow out here. Zoe pulled up a stool and sat down. _Seriously, dude, she ain't even your type. _Dean asked, "Everything OK?"

Zoe nervously licked her lips, "Yes. I, uh, was just...bored in the house and thought I would come out here to see what you were doing."

Dean just looked at her for a minute and slid under the car. He didn't really do much small talk but he didn't want to be rude. He imagined it was difficult to be the only woman in a house with men. "Just doing maintenance on my baby before Sam and I leave for another case. Gotta keep her purring."

"Baby...she is a beautiful machine. She matches you." _Oh shit. _She heard him pause whatever he was doing. "I'm not saying you're beautiful...just...that you are strong…and she is a strong looking car. Like the ultimate muscle car. You know what I mean." Zoe rolled her eyes at how lame she sounded.

"So you don't think I am beautiful?" Dean teased from under the car. Zoe could tell from his voice that he was teasing her. _What the fuck, Dean? Flirting now?_

"Dean, I...well...uh, I think you are...," Zoe stuttered. Dean just chuckled and let her off the hook, "Zoe, I am just joking with you."

"I knew that." Zoe cleared her throat. "So, I appreciate you guys sharing the house with me. I hope having me around has not interfered with your hunting and research."

Dean grunted as he worked under the car. "Bobby loves having someone here to help him with research. Having a home cooked meal when we are here is a plus too," Dean said. There were clinking sounds from under the car.

"I didn't really help my family much. They didn't really need my help with hunting and research. I did the cooking, cleaning, and laundry for them so it is kind of what I am good at, I guess," Zoe said. "I was completely lost when they died. I even thought about...killing myself," she whispered. _That is what you lead with, Zoe?_

Dean scooted out from under the car at that and said, "Zoe, what the hell...you're serious?"

"Yes," then added quickly, "But I changed my mind." Zoe could not believe she was telling him this. "Well, _obviously_ I changed my mind." Zoe blushed. Knowing that she was considering it and actually admitting it to someone were two different things. She was so desperate after their deaths and the pain was just so unbearable.

"What made you change your mind?" Dean was staring at her now. It was so intense having those green eyes just stare at her, and she swallowed as she answered. She wasn't sure how her answer would affect him. "I, uh, well, it was simple really. I didn't want to go to hell. I was more afraid of hell than I was living without my family."

Dean's mouth went dry, and images flashed in his mind. He pushed them back and said quietly, "Why would _you_ go to hell?"

Zoe sighed, "Because I have always heard that you go to hell if you commit suicide. I didn't want...to risk it."

Zoe could see his jaw clench and thought maybe she shouldn't have told him all of this. She knew he had a personal connection to hell, and he even said he didn't remember his time there. She believed he remembered more than he let on, but she respected his choice to keep that to himself. She decided to lighten the moon after dipping her toe in the water so to speak. "Glad I decided to stick around. Messing up the bachelor party pad you guys have going on here has been fun."

Dean rolled his eyes and said, "Oh yeah, you really messed things up. Bobby likes you better than us now."

Zoe laughed, "Whatever. Well, I will let you get back to work. Were you guys going to be here tonight?" Dean nodded he slid under the Impala.

Zoe walked off toward the house proud of herself. She understood now what the voice meant. She needed to open herself up to Dean about herself in order to gain his trust. Once he trusted her, then he would open up to her. Hopefully. She had a feeling that getting Dean Winchester to open up to her was going to be a long process and would test the patience of every cell in her being. Probably why the voice told her to have faith.

* * *

Dean stared up at the Impala for several minutes thinking about what Zoe told him. He was shocked that she contemplated suicide, and he was even more shocked that she told him about it. Hell, he definitely understood the pain she felt. Was selling his soul really that different than committing suicide? He had sealed his fate when he made the deal; he was essentially a dead man walking while living on borrowed time for a year. He just let the hellhounds do the dirty work of actually killing him.

After four months in hell, he felt conflicted about being free. All those souls in hell...and he was the one given a second chance? Sure, he had helped and saved people, but what was so special about him that an angel grabbed him out of the pit? Hell, he wasn't even sure if he believed in God so why would God want to save a man that doubted his existence?

Castiel had asked Dean once if he felt that he didn't deserve to be saved. He didn't. He most certainly hadn't deserved to be saved. But no matter how much he felt he deserved to be in hell, he would do whatever he had to in order to keep from going back. He was certain of that. If there was one thing that frightened Dean, it was going back to hell.


	5. Chapter 5

**Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. -Jim Morrison**

Dean was sitting in the Impala doing research and waiting on Sam. It had been a weird freaking day. They were checking into the death of Frank O'brian-the guy with a big heart. He knew just how big because Dean actually held the guys heart in his hand. It was so worth it to see Sam get splattered by spleen juice, though. Dream chuckled as hr thought about that moment. Of course, being violated by Marie the Snake that Smelled Freaking Fear was probably his punishment for wanting to laugh at Sam when the spleen juice splattered his face.

Dean didn't know what the hell was going on with his damn arm. It itched like hell and no matter how much he scratched it just got worse. Reading about dude's wife killing herself wasn't enough to distract him from the itch.

Dean didn't really know why he did it but he called Zoe. Maybe she could distract him. After a couple of rings, Zoe picks up the phone and said in a sleepy voice, "Hello, Dean." Guess she knew it was him from caller ID...

"Hey, Zoe. What's up?" Dean said as he was kind of wishing now he hadn't called her. They were friends but they weren't quite to the talking on the phone at night just to talk friendship stage. It felt kind of strange.

"Um, well, just settling down for the night. Is something wrong?" Zoe sounded worried.

"What? Oh, no. Nothing is wrong. I was just calling to, uh...well I got this damn itch that I can't freaking get rid of and it is driving me crazy!" Dean groaned inwardly as he realized how that just sounded.

"You have an itch? That you can't get rid of? I am...have you tried scratching it?" There was obvious confusion in her voice.

Dean snorted, "Hell, yeah, I've tried scratching it. It just keeps getting worse. Plus, it has been a weird day. I held a guys heart in my hand and _was violated_ by a damn snake. Now, I have this stupid itch."

Zoe was laughing at him. What the...she was laughing at him?

"Dean, are you drunk?"

Dean was offended, "No, I am not drunk. Maybe if I were this damn itch wouldn't be so bad."

Zoe stopped laughing. "Where exactly is the, uh, itch?

"It is on my arm." Dean was not whining. Dean Winchester does not whine.

"Maybe you just touched something you're allergic to and that is causing the itch. Maybe taking a shower and changing clothes will help?"

"Yeah, I will try that when we get back to the room." There was a moment of silence before they said their good-byes.

Dean went back to reading about the big hearted guy's dead wife after he hung up. His itch wasn't any better after talking to Zoe. Sam climbed into the car and after filling Sam in on Frank's wife they headed to the hotel. It was during that car ride to the hotel that Dean made the EMF meter go off. Like seriously go off. Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse he finds out that he is freaking haunted.

* * *

Zoe was listening intently to Sam and Bobby's conversation. Ghost sickness? What the hell? She didn't examine too closely how it made her feel knowing that Dean had a sickness that could eventually scare him to death. Literally. She rolled her eyes as she thought about how those two got themselves into the absolute worse situations. If it weren't so serious, it would be comical.

She wasn't sure what to do other than help Bobby with research. They needed to find something so they could tell Sam what he needed to do.

Sam sent Zoe a text that said, "Gotta figure something out soon. Dean won't go to our room because it is on the fourth floor. Too high."

The next text was accompanied by a photo of a wood chip. "Dean just coughed this up. He is our biggest clue. Going to lumber mill to check it out since we know wife isn't the ghost." Zoe read the text to Bobby and showed him the photo.

Zoe knew things were deteriorating quickly when she read the next text from an obviously frustrated Sam. "Dean won't carry a gun. It might go off. He screamed like a girl when a cat jumped out of a locker in the lumber mill. And he freaking ran away and left me alone when he saw a ghost. I might as well be babysitting!" Zoe read the text to Bobby and silently wished she could have seen Dean scream at the cat. Bet that was priceless. She would bet Bobby was thinking the same thing.

Zoe started to really worry when Sam called to fill them in on Dean freaking out after finding out that they couldn't just burn the body. Dean ran off and Sam couldn't find him. Sam promised to call Bobby and Zoe when he found Dean. Sam searched everywhere, but finally found him freaking out in their room. Bobby headed to help Sam kill the ghost.

Zoe was a freaking nervous wreck now and really felt guilty about enjoying the image of Dean screaming at a cat. Sam and Bobby told her they would let her know as soon as they killed the ghost. She wanted to text Dean but didn't know what to say. Asking him how he was doing seemed lame at this point. She decided to be reassuring instead. She text Dean and told him that Sam and Bobby had a plan and everything would be fine. She waited for a reply and when she got a simple, "Ok," she smiled. She wasn't expecting much, and that simple message was enough to let her know he was still alive.

She would never admit to anyone ever that she broke down and cried from relief after she got the call from Bobby saying that their plan had worked and Dean was OK.

* * *

Zoe realized that somehow when she text Dean it opened up a form of communication with Dean she never expected. He sends her little one liners that make her smile every time she reads the texts because they are just so Dean.

She's received several texts from Dean regarding the case they were working. He just stated in a text that the best thing about Halloween was the candy. She had to agree with him on that one.

Dean sat and watched as kids played in the park. He had just talked to Castiel about his decision to save the town. A decision that led to another seal to be broken. It was like he was damned no matter what he did.

Sammy was using his damn powers and Dean couldn't figure out how he was doing it. He knew Sam thought he was doing the right thing, and Dean couldn't make him see any different. The angels made it clear that Sam didn't need to be using the powers, and even though the angels were dicks, he had to agree with them. It just wasn't...well, it was just plain creepy and too far dark side for his comfort.

Dean stared at his phone. He typed out a simple text that simply said, "Another seal broken. Couldn't stop it." He sent the text and then immediately wished he hadn't. So far, he had just sent Zoe little sarcastic comments that he figured she would think was funny. He felt stupid sending them at first. She always responded with a little comment or a smiley face. She even thanked him once for including her in their case.

Dean smiled when his phone buzzed with a new text message. It simply said, "Dean I am so sorry, but I know you did your best. That is all you can do." He stared out at the kids at the park knowing that none of them were aware of how close they came to dying today because some dick angel was chomping at the bit to smite the town. As he sat there he wished he had as much faith in himself as Zoe apparently did, but he also knew it was only a matter of time before Zoe would realize that he wasn't worth the faith she had in him.


End file.
